isabel_free (isabel_free) wrote,
isabel_free
isabel_free

Back when i was 4 and i knew the name of every dinosaur

in the land where i am 14, the view from Mt. Meru is breathtaking.  i dance unabashedly on the outskirts of time, i am beautiful and never age.  I radiate compassion through bliss.

in the land where i am 17, i am driven mad in ecstasy by krishna's ethereal flute.  ten thousand one hundred eight gopis abandon their chores to run to his side, each of us longing to be radha for an instant or eternity. 

in the land where i am 24, i cling to the lowest dregs of society in the basements of churchs, where together we find refuge, reprieve, and freedom in one another's collective embrace.  in this land, today is my birthday.  people will clap ,cheer, and tell me i'm a miracle

in the land where i am 38, i am a cat who has been granted one more life.  my friends are half my age, yet they tell me i am cool and treat me like their own.  i listen to music the rest of the world has never heard of and stay up way past my bedtime

in the land where i am 45, i belong to a yacht club and my kids are practically grown.  my husband is a saint and i am up to my eyeballs in debt.

in the land where i am 93, i vacillate between being a scarlet altar--revered and worshiped--and a despised harlot, crawling dark wet streets alone.  the gods are tricksters, love is the law, everyone is free to do what thou wilt--but one's "true will" is easy to misalign

in the land where i am 108, i merge with all my teachers, and dissolve in a tigle of rainbow light.  For a brief moment i find the state of instant presence. The rest of the time i struggle to work with circumstance, slowly slowly expand my limited capacity, integrate, and gain clarity.

in the land where i am 10,108, Krishna and I have at long last merged eternally, mirabai no longer weeps, all that is left behind are teeth and hair, maybe a fingernail or two.  Tara is luminesce, all paths lead to the peak of Mt Meru, i am eternally 14, rainbow light dancing across the sky.

in the land where i am infinite, i do not exist as such at all, this is all a just a dream you know.

Well, in the land where i am 24, today is my birthday, my clean day, the day i found a way out of a whole lot of samsaric suffering and cause.  So after that perhaps I found some different samsara, and created a bunch more cause, some of it even positive maybe.  my brothers and sisters in recovery are precious teachers and gifts.  i rejoice in their presence in my life.  i am so lucky to b.free.  just for today.
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