isabel_free (isabel_free) wrote,

a week has gone bye bye bye

I reconnected to 2 Thelemites and a former virgin, in just the nick of time.  What an odd combo though huh. 

I finally bit the bullet and wrote my confession of sins under the title of "fuck it"  So I can take it to my therapist, my sponsor, Blam... some far off new hidden blog....the pages of some never-to-be-seen book, a graveyard, a furneral pyre.  Who knows.  There are 13 "insert noun here" over 8 years, or over 25 years really and only 2 of them flat out horrible. It's a 1 page abstract of all my acts of commission.  For this men hold me in contempt and the Christians would stone me.   It could make a twisted rap song, but neither I, nor the genre, are worthy of such a union.  

I am in love with Leonhard Cohen.  I swear he was sent by God to deliver me from evil.   I saw "I'm your man" again, and remembered the quote I love so much, which I need to write down next time and commit to permanent memory, so I can recite it, as necessary, at will.

Meanwhile, I think a good ol fashioned masseure, could restore balance to my universe.  I don't need a happy ending, I just need to be the center of the universe for a short contrived, bought and paid for, while.   It is easier to buy an illusion  than to either seduce or succumb to one, and a lot less misleading and complicated.   I had a conversation with some polyamorists and remembered that I am not one.  I, it turns out, am an anarchist.  You will never find a parrot in my window. 
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